Gahanna’s Age-Old Battle: Coots vs. Codgers

After the roaring success of last year’s “Who Can Nap the Longest” contest, and this year’s Olden Quilting Bee, the Gahanna Chapter of the Ancient Order of Coots and Codgers are back with another riveting event. This time, they’re pushing the boundaries and raising eyebrows across town with a sassy competition titled “Grandpa’s Got Back!”

Taking place in the Friendship Park Shelter and Gazebo, the game, as cheeky as it sounds, is set to be a mix between a dance-off and a fashion show, but with an old-timer twist. Contestants aged 60 and above, primarily men, are encouraged to showcase their best dance moves while donning outfits that – dare we say – flaunt their… assets.

Olga McKnighten, a member of the organizing committee, quipped, “Who says you can’t have a little junk in the trunk at our age? We might be old, but we’ve still got some groove left in us!”

The highlight of the evening will be the “Bootylicious Grandpa” award, given to the contestant with the most impressive combination of dance moves and, ahem, natural endowments. However, there will also be prizes for categories such as “Most Daring Dance,” “Best Vintage Swagger,” and “Most Likely to Need a Hip Replacement After This.”

Luther ‘Slick Shoes’ Thompson, last year’s Nap-Off Champion, seemed thrilled about the event. “Last year I showcased my talent for catching Z’s. This year, I plan on waking everyone up with my moonwalk,” he chuckled, adjusting his orthopedic shoes.

Local residents seem to have mixed feelings about the event. While many are excited and intrigued, others feel the spectacle is unbecoming of the revered Coots and Codgers. One anonymous resident remarked, “I just hope they’ve got some sturdy belts and dependable suspenders. We don’t want any… unexpected revelations!”

Tickets are available at the Gahanna Senior Center for a laughably low price. All proceeds will go towards the Ancient Order’s future events, such as the upcoming Fall Bean Dinner!”

The local commission on Aging, while slightly shocked by the nature of the event, has given it their reluctant blessing. They advise younger attendees to bring sunglasses, not for the glare but perhaps to shield their eyes from the dazzling spectacle that will unfold.

It promises to be a night of fun, laughter, and perhaps a few cringes. Whether you’re there for the dancing or the daring, Grandpa’s Got Back promises to be a night Gahanna will never forget!

Event Details:
What: Grandpa’s Got Back
Where: Friendship Park
When: 9/30/2023 at 4:00 PM