Boner Pills Mistaken For Candy
Residents at Walnut Trace on Olde Ridenour Rd. were in for a shock Friday afternoon when a bowl of what people thought were M&M’s was passed around the retirement community.
87 year old Mildred Schmit was visiting with her grandson, 42 year old Randy Nolan in the common area of her retirement community. While her grandson was in the restroom, she noticed a bag of what she believed were little blue candies. As a gesture of kindness, Mildred put them in a bowl and placed it on the table for residents to share.
By the time Randy had returned, the bowl was nearly empty, with elderly meemaws and peepaws taking handfuls of the little blue tabs. However it would not be until he got home that he would notice his performance pills missing.
About an hour after Randy left, the nurses station began flooding with calls from residents who were “having a hard time”
It was then that nurses realized what had happened, as a nurse had found the nearly empty bowl.
Doctors spent the evening at the facility pumping stomachs, but it wasn’t long before there were parties going on in different rooms.
When asked how the residents couldn’t tell by the taste that they were not candy, we were told that most of them no longer have working taste buds for bitter things.
Dr. Sandip Smith of the facility issued the following statement last night.
“We are aware that large quantities of Sildenafil, known commonly as Viagra, were ingested today by residents of our facility. We are committed to the health and well-being of everyone who calls Walnut Trace home. Everybody is being treated and having the medication removed from their system. We are also implementing curfews and strongly discouraging swinger parties at our facility.”
Randy has since been banned from the facility, and Mildred has issued a very sincere apology to her neighbors.
As of this afternoon, it is business as usual at the retirement home. No updated statements have since been issued by the facility
